Skip to main content

Stuck

Note: Start reading at "The Why"

What Happened: 
Today was an ok day. My skin began to hurt some and  my feet have been on fire all day with no breaks. Every time I sit down my legs go numb. More than the physical pain I am an emotional mess. I have managed to hold it in and work all day and teach all night but I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. After venting to one of my close friends I heard myself say "I am stuck" and oh my gosh this describes exactly how I feel at this point in life. I am stuck in my career, I am stuck in my own business, I am stuck financially and I am stuck in my this body that seems to be turning against me.  I know God is going to heal me and I know that all of this will only last for a season but at this very moment I hate being me in this body that is on fire and in pain all of the time. I hate pretending that I am ok when I ache all over. I hate crying all the way to work and then barley making it in. I hate denying help when I really want to say "Yes please,someone,anyone please help me" but then if I don't make my body be strong...what if it stops? I hate when the people at work touch me, I hate when people say "oh you're limping" ummmm yeah! I know!!! I wish I could stop but my leg may fall off at any moment so please let me limp on to my destination. I hate having to walk everyday to get where I need to be. Above all else I hate complaining and having pity parties so I will stop. Tomorrow will be a better day!

How I feel:

S  T  U  C  K

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reflecting

Hello everyone!!! I have spoken of my relationship with God in a few post but I wanted to make it clear!! I am a Christian, non-denominational, although I belong to a baptist church now. I have had several moments where I have clearly heard from God and consider myself to try and live a life pleasing to Him. Do I mess up? YES! Do I fall short? YES! Does He keep loving me? Thankfully YES!! With that being said I know that God is a healer, deliverer, way maker, provider, protector, source of peace. He is anything and everything. Through this journey (115 days) I have realized that God speaks to me sometimes through songs. I guess because I love music. I have referenced this in a couple posts. Well today was no different. In church the choir sang    Made A Way  by Travis Greene. The lyrics that really hit home for me are                               "You made a way, I don't know how but you did ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Bang Dem Sticks

Note: Start at "The Why" What Happened: I teach a class called Pound. It is amazing class with drumsticks that you bang together and lots of movement up and down, on the ground, back and forth. It is an amazing full body workout that I absolutely love. Today's class was horrible! Absolutely horrible! I went to hit my sticks together and my pointer finger radiated with pain. I dropped my sticks (which very rarely happens to me). I kept teaching but let go of my left stick. When we got down to the ground my hip area hurt so bad that I could barely sit, much less move side to side. I was in so much pain throughout the class. I managed to smile through the class but I just wanted to cry. But there are people to help get fit and no time or crying. My fingers also feel like I have blisters on them when I text or use them to type. And without texting you cant post to FB, IG, or talk to friends. I do all of the above a lot. Today was a very quiet day. How I felt: Scared. Wi...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Longest Night

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Two days ago I quit taking my Neurontin cold turkey. I did not know that you were suppose to wen yourself off gradually........I went from taking 1500mg to nothing. Help me Holy Spirit, Sweet baby Jesus! I need the father, the son and the Holy Ghost!!! All three right now! I am sweating like I  have been working out, my head hurt soooo bad and I cant stop trembling. This post wont be long because my vision is a little blurry but I wanted to write to explain the way I feel right now. It is 3 am and I have been up since 11 pm trying to not throw up or call my mom crying. I googled reactions to coming off of  Neurontin and I match most of them. Oh dear LAWD!!!! If this is what it feels like to be on drugs and come off....Never get on them but if you do just stay on them (yes this feeling is that bad). Every time I close my eyes there are images of Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd and other characters from Looney Tunes but only half of th...
Post a Comment
Read more