Skip to main content

The Weekend- The Storm

On Friday I set out to stay in the house on Saturday. Have a staycation if you will. I needed sometime to just have no responsibilities, no demands, no people....I needed to disconnect and breathe! Saturday was great. My pain level was down and I slept in and then took plenty of naps. Around 12pm I took my morning meds because I was just getting up.I called my mom to let her know what a great pain free day I was having. Mother nature came for her visit (ugh!! Due to birth control I haven't seen her  in a while so I guess its ok). I read in the support group how often times a woman's monthly can make symptoms of FMS worse. Of course my body would be different and I was loving it!!! I cleaned my house and then stood on my feet for 6 hours braiding my hair. I am not pleased with the results and will be redoing it.....I digress. I finished my hair around 11:30pm and took pm meds. At this point I was in a little pain in my legs and back but who wouldn't be? I dozed off and woke up at 12:47 in sooo much excruciating pain I could barley move to grab my phone. By the time I reached my phone I felt as if I could not catch my breath. My chest was heavy and hurt. My left shoulder/arm hurt as well. I was terrified. I just knew that this was it, I was going to die. Alone. I couldn't die. I just couldn't. I started saying to myself over and over again "you can breathe" "you can breathe" "just breathe" "Jesus I need you" "breathe" At this point I realized I actually could breathe and although it was hard that I hadn't died yet so I must be able to breathe. I checked my heart rate and it was elevated but beating. I was not going to die!!  I was still terrified but I didn't want to wake my parents if I could help it. I do not have medical insurance at the moment so I didn't want to call the ambulance or go to the ER. So I text my sister to see if she was up. I filled her in on what was going on and told her I needed 10 min checks. I chose 10 min because if I was in need of assistance she could get here and I would still be ok. Looking back on it now it really doesn't make sense...... but it did last night! I begin to think "panic attack" so I quickly wrote in the support group on facebook "Can extreme pain cause panic attacks" three people responded almost immediately that yes it can. I also googled the symptoms of panic attacks, how long they last and what could be done. This attack(shortness of breath, blurred vision, sweating and pain/heaviness in my chest) lasted for 36 minutes and a little over an hour before I could breathe normally. Of course because I was scared and could only think about "I cant let my mom find me, find my body" "what would my family do" "did I do what God wanted me to" tears ran. I tried to calm myself down but fear made it so incredibly hard. I finally cut on some music and drank some cool water. That helped some as did talking to my sister. After I was calm and not dead I was extremely exhausted, more than normal. I slept until 8:30 am (missed my church) but I had planned to support my friend in singing in the choir at my moms church. So I was still able to get some word! Today has been exhausting. I am soo sleepy and thirsty. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life but not really present. I have homework and I need to cook for the week but first I had to take a nap. I completed half of my assignments and decided to take a break and write you guys!!! I am hyper aware of every move I make. I feel everything and it makes me more tired. I am a little nervous to go to sleep tonight but I do know that God kept me last night and He will keep me again tonight!

"Its over now
I feel like I can make it
The storm is over now
No more crying at night
No more heartache
No more suffering
No more sickness in my body
The storm is over now..
If I walk alone
I'm NOT on my own"

And for that I am very thankful!

I hope you guys had an amazing weekend and have a great week!! I am expecting something good to happen in my life everyday. I am looking for it!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Silver Lining

Silver lining- a term used when you want to emphasize the hopeful side or remain optimistic The past few days have been rough. Yesterday was rough for my body and today along with my body my mind/emotions decided to escape me. I honestly am tired. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of pretending Im ok. I'm tired of smiling on the outside but feeling empty on the inside. I am just tired.  Today like many others I went to work, helped change lives. Then I taught my fitness class to help women reach their goals. One woman reported she had lost 13lbs in the last 3 weeks. I am truly happy for her and this is why I push through it. Today I am having a hard time finding the silver lining of my situation. Today my body is better than it was yesterday so I have just tried to focus on this fact. However the shooting random pains in my feet when I walk, my face when I talk and my back when I breathe have really taken a toll on me. My everything hurts. I punched the air in a routine and I had...
3 comments
Read more

Straight Shot

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today was  a normal day. By normal I mean feet burning, legs hurting blah blah blah. I went to work, taught a boot camp class then went to another fitness class. On the way to the class my body felt really odd. My face was a little numb feeling and the left side of my neck had like a shooting pain going up. I just massaged it and shook it off. I started class and begin to jump. There was a sharp pain that went from my left heel to my hip. It startled me and I stopped briefly. It actually scared me. My left arm went numb. I tried to keep smiling and just instruct so that the class couldn't tell I was in excruciating pain. I attempted to turn around and give a que and the pain shot straight up from my foot to the top of my head. I was absolutely terrified. I knew then I could not continue the class. I stood very still and told the class that I was sorry but I would have to end class. Luckily two of my three original members...
2 comments
Read more

The Day My Life Changed

What Happened: It's funny they say you don't remember a traumatic event, well I remember! (Yes I know compared to some my event is not horrible but for me it has been) Feb 10th started off as a normal Friday. I went to work as normal, taught an aerobic class and went to Wal-Mart. After being in Wal-Mart approximately 20 min and standing in a VERY long line my calf muscles begin to burn on both legs. Of course when you workout as much as I do you go through shoes pretty frequently, with this in mind I figured that I just needed new shoes. The pain and burning got so bad...I took them off. After checking out I hobbled to my car. I took my passenger by Wendy's (which we did every Friday after class). At this point I still felt a little pain in my legs but overall just felt weird. With driving 3/4 mi from the drive through while eating a french fry (healthy right?😏) my jaw locked up. I was completely unable to move it. I tried to keep a calm face even though I was freake...
1 comment
Read more