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Showing posts from April, 2017

Rheumatologist Appt.

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today I had my Rheumatologist appt. So first let me say that I was that I had to google what a Rheumatologist was and what they did.  When I arrived I noticed I was the youngest one in the entire building. And a man came and sat down next to me and said "Hey, young thang how are you? What are you doing in a place like this" AHHHHHH😆😆😆😆😆sir please leave me alone. I did not say this but i'm sure my face did. They took x-rays of my hands and feet, which was a humiliating experience for me. When they take an x-ray of your feet they ask you to lift up your leg and hold it. She ask so politely and I was sure that I could get my leg up to where my foot of one leg was knee height of the other. NOPE !! I couldn't! I wanted to cry as I was climbing up the step prop they had for people who couldn't do what she ask. I know those people are old and  I should be able to do this. I use to be able to do this. I use

Not Again......

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today was a long day, as all of my Wednesdays are extremely long. I wake up early, go to work for my normal job, then stay 2 hours for an extra group, drive 45 min then go directly to church. Wednesdays are long. However, they end with me getting some good word to feed my soul so I am ok with Wednesday lol. On my way to work this morning while eating my fruit my jaw locked up. It scared me because this hasn't happened in a while. I began to cry and text my mom (because she makes it all better). She was at my grandma's and they both began to pray! I knew it wouldn't be long before it unlocked. It lasted 35 min this way. When it did unlock my face was very sore and I couldn't open my mouth really wide. A day of barley being able to talk or touch when you work with kids is a hard day. As the workday went on my body got worse and I ended up leaving work early and not being able to hardly walk. When I finally made

Stuck

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened:  Today was an ok day. My skin began to hurt some and  my feet have been on fire all day with no breaks. Every time I sit down my legs go numb. More than the physical pain I am an emotional mess. I have managed to hold it in and work all day and teach all night but I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. After venting to one of my close friends I heard myself say "I am stuck" and oh my gosh this describes exactly how I feel at this point in life. I am stuck in my career, I am stuck in my own business, I am stuck financially and I am stuck in my this body that seems to be turning against me.  I know God is going to heal me and I know that all of this will only last for a season but at this very moment I hate being me in this body that is on fire and in pain all of the time. I hate pretending that I am ok when I ache all over. I hate crying all the way to work and then barley making it in. I hate denying h

The Longest Night

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Two days ago I quit taking my Neurontin cold turkey. I did not know that you were suppose to wen yourself off gradually........I went from taking 1500mg to nothing. Help me Holy Spirit, Sweet baby Jesus! I need the father, the son and the Holy Ghost!!! All three right now! I am sweating like I  have been working out, my head hurt soooo bad and I cant stop trembling. This post wont be long because my vision is a little blurry but I wanted to write to explain the way I feel right now. It is 3 am and I have been up since 11 pm trying to not throw up or call my mom crying. I googled reactions to coming off of  Neurontin and I match most of them. Oh dear LAWD!!!! If this is what it feels like to be on drugs and come off....Never get on them but if you do just stay on them (yes this feeling is that bad). Every time I close my eyes there are images of Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd and other characters from Looney Tunes but only half of th

Ok...I can do this! It's going to work!

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today I started a holistic cleanse to cleanse my blood of toxins and my body of junk. Another side effect of this is that it heals your body!!! The person I got the cleanse from is amazing!! She is very knowledgeable about  health, has several degrees and is living this alkaline and why its great for your body.  So to do this I stopped my medication (Neurontin 1500mg) and will eat only fruits from a certain list for the next 3 days. I will also drink a tea made of herbs provided for me once a day. This is the cleanse phase. I will then add vegetables and nuts from this list as well as a few grains like wild rice and quinoa. I am excited to feel relief from this cleanse, not to mention weight loss!!! Hey heal my body and lose weight......Hell Yeah!!!!! Excuse my language.. I mean awesome!! I am ready to receive my healing. I understand that this is a lifestyle change and will require work and wont be easy at times but.... I ca

Straight Shot

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today was  a normal day. By normal I mean feet burning, legs hurting blah blah blah. I went to work, taught a boot camp class then went to another fitness class. On the way to the class my body felt really odd. My face was a little numb feeling and the left side of my neck had like a shooting pain going up. I just massaged it and shook it off. I started class and begin to jump. There was a sharp pain that went from my left heel to my hip. It startled me and I stopped briefly. It actually scared me. My left arm went numb. I tried to keep smiling and just instruct so that the class couldn't tell I was in excruciating pain. I attempted to turn around and give a que and the pain shot straight up from my foot to the top of my head. I was absolutely terrified. I knew then I could not continue the class. I stood very still and told the class that I was sorry but I would have to end class. Luckily two of my three original members

What did you Say?

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today I am so nervous and excited because to day is the day!! I am so hopeful that today would be the day that I find answers. I will go to bed knowing why my body is jacked up. Jacked all the way up!!! I am so excited I can hardly adult! In my planner my appointment is at 10 but in my phone it is at 1pm. I meant to call the doctor then the day got crazy. I showed up at 10 to find out my appt. was at 1pm and they would not see me early. So I went back to work then went back to the doctor at 1pm. I walked in gave him my journal where I have been keeping up with symptoms and all of that jazz. He ran blood work and told me that the nerve test looked good (I already knew these things because I BROUGHT it to him) lol. He was talking so fast!!! "It could be a brain tumor, arthritis, cyst on your bones, blood disorders or something more" he said. Ummmmm what did you say? I was so confused trying to take it all in, hear it

Easter Egg High

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: In the emergency room they ask you to rate 1-10. 10 being the worse and 1 being the least. Well today is a 10.5. I can't sit, I can't stand, I can't walk, I just can't do it today. I don't want to do it today. I don't want to walk or work or sit or be around people or be in pain. I am tired of being in pain. Today is not the day to try anything stupid. It will take everything I have to hold in all of this and just be nice.....UGH!!! I'm so glad it's a Saturday and after I teach these classes I can go to bed. Well that was the plan. After teaching two classes I picked up my nephew and his friend and took them to an Easter Egg Hunt. Lots of fun for them but not so much for me. I managed to be around several people and put on a happy face. The kids had an amazing time and I survived. I am ok with that. After dropping the boys off I went home and relaxed. I took a bath in my muscle and joint so