Skip to main content

Not What I Wanted

Whats up people!!
Earlier last week I posted some feelings that were accurate but not exactly upbeat or positive. I had several people reach out to me to check on me and offer encouraging words. I know these are people that genuinely care about me but this is one of the things I was hesitant about. It may be just the way I view things. I may just have to work on that. I am told often that it's ok to let people be there for me, its ok to say I need help, or to tell the truth about my pain, it's ok to not be ok.....I struggle with this thought. If people know that i'm not ok then what? How will they view me? I don't want or need sympathy but will it look like that is what i'm looking for? It's just  a slippery slope that I am just not sure how to navigate. Being vulnerable in the past hasn't ended well so I have to figure this out.

Today has been so less than great. I have been stressed and my body feels it. I feel like I am failing at life, school, work at both day and night job, and in my personal relationships. I suck at life right now. UGHHHH!! Not to mention I am extremely emotional all the time and angry at people I love. I am also easily irritable.  I hope it gets better.

⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛

Today was a very emotional day.  I made some adult decisions that were hard and life changing. Adulting sucks but I know it will get easier. I also have a face to face via the internet mini test with my professor. I only started studying this morning. I did well on the face to face test. I am happy considering that I am unable to focus, emotionally drained and sleep deprived. My emotions are completely out of whack!!! My body definitely feels all that has happened today. Something feels off...I hope tonight goes well and I get some sleep because we leave at 4am for the beach! I soo need this vacay. I hope my body plays nice this time and the weather is warm because that will help.
Peace out loves!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Silver Lining

Silver lining- a term used when you want to emphasize the hopeful side or remain optimistic The past few days have been rough. Yesterday was rough for my body and today along with my body my mind/emotions decided to escape me. I honestly am tired. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of pretending Im ok. I'm tired of smiling on the outside but feeling empty on the inside. I am just tired.  Today like many others I went to work, helped change lives. Then I taught my fitness class to help women reach their goals. One woman reported she had lost 13lbs in the last 3 weeks. I am truly happy for her and this is why I push through it. Today I am having a hard time finding the silver lining of my situation. Today my body is better than it was yesterday so I have just tried to focus on this fact. However the shooting random pains in my feet when I walk, my face when I talk and my back when I breathe have really taken a toll on me. My everything hurts. I punched the air in a routine and I had
3 comments
Read more

Straight Shot

Note: Start reading at "The Why" What Happened: Today was  a normal day. By normal I mean feet burning, legs hurting blah blah blah. I went to work, taught a boot camp class then went to another fitness class. On the way to the class my body felt really odd. My face was a little numb feeling and the left side of my neck had like a shooting pain going up. I just massaged it and shook it off. I started class and begin to jump. There was a sharp pain that went from my left heel to my hip. It startled me and I stopped briefly. It actually scared me. My left arm went numb. I tried to keep smiling and just instruct so that the class couldn't tell I was in excruciating pain. I attempted to turn around and give a que and the pain shot straight up from my foot to the top of my head. I was absolutely terrified. I knew then I could not continue the class. I stood very still and told the class that I was sorry but I would have to end class. Luckily two of my three original members
2 comments
Read more

The Day My Life Changed

What Happened: It's funny they say you don't remember a traumatic event, well I remember! (Yes I know compared to some my event is not horrible but for me it has been) Feb 10th started off as a normal Friday. I went to work as normal, taught an aerobic class and went to Wal-Mart. After being in Wal-Mart approximately 20 min and standing in a VERY long line my calf muscles begin to burn on both legs. Of course when you workout as much as I do you go through shoes pretty frequently, with this in mind I figured that I just needed new shoes. The pain and burning got so bad...I took them off. After checking out I hobbled to my car. I took my passenger by Wendy's (which we did every Friday after class). At this point I still felt a little pain in my legs but overall just felt weird. With driving 3/4 mi from the drive through while eating a french fry (healthy right?😏) my jaw locked up. I was completely unable to move it. I tried to keep a calm face even though I was freake
1 comment
Read more